Saturday, December 7, 2013

Let Go and Let God

I had a pow pow with my boss and a co-worker today and in the middle of it, God spoke to me so here I am, with tears in my eyes, typing this.

I have preached and preached about trusting God when it comes to love but I have never you told you about the struggles that I had to deal with and fight through in order to keep my faith strong and keep believing in love. Growing up, my parents were always great. I'm not going to say that my childhood was perfect but I pretty much never saw my parents fighting over anything major. The trouble began when I was a teenager. Parents are supposed to be the prime example for their children when it comes to true love. They are supposed to teach their children that true love exists and to show them how beautiful love is when God brings two people together. Just like you are supposed to be faithful to God, you're always supposed to be faithful to your partner. My dad seemed to forget this for a while... Needless to say, my father has had multiple affairs on my mom. As the youngest and only daughter, I looked up to my dad like he was superman so how was I supposed to feel? I could not believe that my superman turned into the villain. 

I was so hurt. I was also SO mad at God. How could He do this to my family? How could He do this to me? How could He take a perfectly healthy family and put them in this scenario where they are all hurting so bad?  I would pray so hard that my family would be fixed and that nothing would hurt my mother like that again. I would pray that I could trust men again. 

I continued to pray and to go to church for a long time, and God continued to speak to me but for some reason, I just couldn't accept it in my heart. He would tell me that everything would be okay, to have faith in Him, to trust Him but I would continue to be so skeptical. After 2 more affairs, almost a divorce, and being cheated on myself, something in me just... clicked.  I just remember that one day I was in my apartment listening to Elevation worship music then all of a sudden I just felt overcome with God's love. I fell to my knees and just trusted Him that everything would really be okay. I realized that there was a difference between saying that I trusted God and actually handing myself over to Him and saying "whatever You're doing, You're doing it for a reason. You've got my best interest in mind." 

Slowly but surely, I began to see the world through different eyes. I began to realize that there were still good guys in the world - men who don't cheat, who don't lie, who can actually love you and only you. I finally trusted God with every fiber in my body. I began to pray for my future husband and that God would mold me into the woman that my future husband needed and deserved. I prayed that He helped me remain patient while He prepared us for each other. 

.... And then I met Wesley. This man is the most romantic, faithful, and handsome man that I have ever met. I fell for him hard, and I fell for him fast. I wouldn't change that for the world. I knew from the beginning that this is the man that I am meant to be with for the rest of my life. I am thankful that I went through everything that I did because at the end of the day, I would not appreciate this man the way that he deserves. The wait and journey was not fun, but it was worth it. 

So in conclusion, you may have to go through some really rough things but that should not stop you from realizing that God has your best interest in mind. People used to tell me that God never gives you more than He knows you can handle. Well, I think that He does. He wants you to realize that when you can't handle it anymore, He'll be there for you. You just have to trust Him. 

Ahh.. If you actually made it this far in the post, I applaud you. I hope that I have inspired you or given you hope. I hope you realize that just because one man did you wrong, it does not mean that every man will. God loves you. He wants what's best for you. Trust Him.

Love, M. 

“...You say to God, “I have never seen you provide for me.” 

God says to you, “You have never trusted Me.” 

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