Sunday, February 17, 2013

Alone but not lonely

Okay, so I just sat here for approximately ten minutes staring at the computer screen trying to figure out how I was going to write this, which direction I was going to go, what message I wanted to send.

If you read the blog titled "The Battle Before the Victory" or something like that, you saw that I recently ended things with my guy. This week has been a test for me. I'm learning how to stand on my own all over again. In one of my previous blogs, I talked about letting a man contribute to my happiness but not determining it. H, also, tweeted a long time ago "I was raised to never depend on a man but to instead find a man and learn to share your life with him." Well y'all, home girl is on POINT.  I'm not going to let the fact that I didn't get a good morning text determine the course of my day. I don't need a good morning text to be happy. The fact that I didn't have a valentine this year? That's perfectly okay. Every girl loves hearing that she is beautiful. Well you know what? The bible tells you that you are. Every girl loves hearing that she is loved. The bible tells you that, too. I am already unconditionally loved by the most amazing man ever--God.

In society today being single has such a negative connotation but is it really? In my opinion, no. It means that you have high enough standards to not settle. It means that you love yourself enough to not stay in an unhealthy relationship. It means that you know your worth. Sometimes we have to remember that being single does not mean we are weak. It means that we are strong enough to stand on our own. It means that you trust in God enough to remain alone until He sends you a man worthy of your love. You are placing your heart in His hands and trusting that He will place it into the hands of a man who deserves it. (LOVE that quote.)

So what if you're single? Live it up! We get so caught up in having someone to spend time with, someone to cuddle with, someone to shower us with affection--and I admit those things sound and are nice--but really, what is life if you are not your own person? When you marry someone, do you lose your entire identity? I will give 500% effort in my marriage, but at the same time... I want to remain my own person. I want to share my friends with him and befriend his friends, but I do not need to go out with him every time he wants to go spend time with his boys. If I am going to brunch with the ladies--as much as I will love spending time with him-- I want to be able to just have that time with my girls. Space is a beautiful thing. It helps keep you sane. 

Remember... being single is not a bad thing. You already have the most important unconditional love--God's. As Kevin Hart says, "Do you, boo boo." Have fun. Use it as motivation to better yourself. Work on your relationship with God. There are so many more aspects to life. Just remember to stay classy and always strive to be a Proverbs 31 wife because one day God will send you the man He has waiting for you. 

Love, m. 

Monday, February 11, 2013

Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

I can't wait to grow old with you. I want to make you feel handsome even when you're old and gray. I want to make you breakfast on Saturday mornings before we go to our 11 o'clock tee time then praise God with you the very next morning. I want to spoil you, encourage you, and love you. I want to be there beside you as you're fulfilling your dreams-- encouraging you every step of the way. I want to make you laugh when you're having a bad day. I want to make you fall in love with me every single day. It's not always about what you can do for me but also what I can do for you. In my opinion, that's love. It's when you stop being selfish and begin being selfless.

I've always been skeptical, but I've never lost faith that God will eventually send you my way. I've had a plan set out in my head for years but one thing that I've learned is that God always has a different plan... one with a better result than mine could ever have.

Maybe I've already met you, maybe I haven't. All I know is that one day I'm going to realize that I have fallen madly in love with you. I'm sure I'll be terrified and excited all at the same time. But you know what? I can't wait. 

Love your future wife, M.

---this letter was taken from a personal tumblr blog that I have but they ARE my words.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The battle before the victory.

Before y'all read this, just know that this isn't a typical blog post. It's kind of an update.

Well y'all, I ended things with my guy tonight. After a lot of thinking, contemplating, and praying, I've decided that I desire more. Y'all are probably wondering why or what happened. Honestly, nothing really happened... but that was kind of the problem.  I can't keep being put on the back burner. I can't keep putting up with making him a priority and not being one of his. I deserve more than that, and I have no doubt in my mind that I do. It hurts that it had to come to this, but it did. It'd be different if it was like H's long distance relationship where they get to see each other occasionally. But if I'm going months when he's just an hour and a half away? No. I am actually extremely understanding about being him being busy but it'd be nice if he would make me feel important. I hold a high leadership position within my sorority while also balancing demanding classes but I still make time for him. I know my worth. I know what I deserve... and it was more than he had to offer me right now.

But I'm not letting this bring me down. I know that God has an amazing guy out there for me. I will continue to pray for him and pray that he's doing the same for me. I will continue to search for him and pray that he's searching for me. I will continue to prepare myself to be a Proverbs 31 wife. Y'all, I know that I will one day make such an amazing wife and mother because my Momma and the Bible taught me how. I will not let this make me cynical when it comes to love.

Right now, I need to learn how to stand on my own. After getting out of my last relationship, I kind of rushed into whatever this was. I need to focus on me, my faith, and my life. I have always been the kind of girl who has said that she has never needed a man to make her happy. But honestly, I haven't been practicing what I've been preaching. I want a guy to contribute to my happiness not determine it. Maybe as I'm working on myself, I'll meet a new guy... but until then I'll just keep praying for the one that God has waiting for me. And who knows? Maybe this kid will realize that I do deserve more and that he wants to give me that. Maybe he'll fight for me. Maybe one day we'll end up together. Maybe it's just not our time right now but I know that God has a plan for both of us. This is just another battle before the victory.

Anyways, I'll keep y'all posted. I hope everyone has an amazing week.


Monday, February 4, 2013

The Time Crunch

Y'all, let me tell you that I am an ambitious planner. I always have been ever since I was a little girl. Not only would I dream big but I would strategically plan every little detail to a T in order to reach my goal. I always knew what I wanted... Or so I thought. I want y'all to take a guess at how many times things went my way exactly according to my hypothetical plans. That's right... NONE. Shocker, right? 

Over the years, one of things that I have learned is it doesn't matter what I have planned. It doesn't matter what I want to happen or what result I am dreaming up, God probably has something different in mind. Guess how many times I've been disappointed with the result? None. If I'm not happy, it's not the end. 

What does this have to do with my love life or yours? Everything. As I grow older with each passing year, I swear the pressure to get married grows more and more intense. Everyone around me seems to be getting engaged or married. I mean goodness, every time I get on Facebook it's another announcement. Don't get me wrong, I am so ecstatic for each and every person but I'm going to be graduating college in a year. I always thought that I would be engaged by the time I was a senior. 

But you know what? I've learned that I need to slow my roll. I realized that I can plan all I want but if its not aligned with God's plan, it's probably not what's best for me in the long haul. I might know what I want, but He knows what I need. He will always have my best interest in mind. I need to trust in His timing because its perfect. 

So what if everyone is getting engaged, married, or having kids? It's their time. Just because it's not yours does not mean it's never going to be. If your like me and your family constantly asks when they're going to be hearing those wedding bells, just tell them that God doesn't think it's your time yet and that it's perfectly okay that it's not. Let me repeat that... it is perfectly okay that it's not. 

Yes, you may feel the pressure of the "time crunch" to get married but the best things come to those who wait. Also... Keep in mind that the longer you wait, the more you tend to appreciate something. The right guy will come when God thinks you both are ready. He will think you are beautiful even when you have no make up on, and you will think he's still handsome when he is old and gray. You'll annoy him when you make him wait, and he'll annoy you when he complains about it. You'll have your very own fairy tale... one written by the best author of all, God. It's going to be totally worth it. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Love, M.

E-mail me comments, questions, anything. I love talking to y'all. 
Contact info in the "Contact Us" section of the blog! 

Friday, February 1, 2013

A Different Perspective

I've literally been sitting here staring at this page wondering how to start this, and as you can tell obviously this is the best I could come up with. I'm not particularly good at this, I don't write, especially not blogs. M is usually the one who does all of the blogposts, but for some reason I just felt as if I needed to write this. I'm hoping that y'all aren't too harsh, and too critical. Everything we write to y'all about our lives is true and we take a huge risk posting this. So, here goes nothing. 

This post is going to seem very similar to the one that M just posted, but I felt that another perspective should be given. 

I'm a junior in college. I don't go to a very large school, in fact it's a private school that doesn't even offer Greek life. Seeing that we don't have Greek life, majority of our campus is run by athletes, in fact that's the reason I chose this school, but that's a different story. Since we don't have Greek life here, we party a little differently. The school is located close to a rather large SEC school, so many of weekends are spent downtown at the bars. M was very open about her past so I might as well be too. My freshman and some of my sophomore year were a hot mess to say the least. And now as I look back, a good majority I don't remember. Until one day my mother found out about what I was doing. It shattered our relationship and took a very long time to repair. I didn't realize how my actions looked to others. Actually I didn't realize how it looked until very recently. Judgement is something we face everyday, it's inevitable. And as much as we say that we shouldn't care what people think about us, others opinions are important. It's also inevitable. 

My roommate is a senior basketball player, and a very active partier. Now here's the part where you need a little background information about me; I'm a pushover. I can't say no, and people walk all over me all the time. It's something I know about myself, and something I try to work on but it's hard. So this last semester I spent a lot of time downtown at the bars, with all the people and all the alcohol. Did I occasionally have a drink? Yes. Did I flirt with the cute guy standing at the bar? Yes. But I also got to see the way the guy looked at me, and the way he spoke to me, and the way he implied things that were never in a million years going to happen. I'm not that girl, and you're not that lucky. But I learned a lot about myself from being in those bars and seeing how guys interacted with me. What I also learned is what it is like to witness those girls who don't remember the night from the other side. 

M wrote last week about being the person he would want. Don't just uphold standards for your future husband, but also uphold standards for yourself and what your future husband needs. I feel like I'm just rambling so now here's what I wanted to write about. Sit down and look at how others view you. Those guys were flirting with me in the bar hoping that I would be too drunk to notice what was happening, and end up going home with them. They think this way because of people like my roommate, and a few of my friends. 

Monday I was sitting in class when a classmate of mine came in and proceeded to tell me about her weekend. Friday night at a party she was "on a whole other level". She ended up making out with 4 guys just while she was at the party, one of which she still doesn't know his name. And at the end of the night she ended up going back with a guy who is her lab partner in physics. They hooked up, and the next day when she woke up she couldn't get out fast enough. They hadn't seen each other again until yesterday when she had lab and I'm not sure how that went. All I could think about during this conversation was wow. Just wow. One day you have to tell your husband about the night in college that you ended up making out with 4 guys and going home with another. Granted in today's society he will probably be telling you about his wild nights too, but that's beside the point. I know personally that I don't want all of those stories to have to be told by me. My roommate goes downtown basically every weekend and its a different story every time she comes back, and she wonders why people text her all the time about the stuff they've heard about her, or why she can't find a guy to date and have one relationship.

These girls go around bragging about this. In fact the classmate said one of her guy friends gave her a high five after hearing about her night. College is the best four years of your life, but it can also later in life be the four years you regret for the decisions you made. I've already started to regret some of them. It's possible to go out in college and enjoy yourself and have a ton of fun, and not have to worry about the way that people view you. 

 I'm not saying that every now and then I don't have a drink, or that I don't go out. Because I do. But I would much rather stay at home with boyf having some wine and watching a movie and cuddling. People talk, people judge. It's a part of life. All I'm trying to say is do you want to be that girl that everyone talks about being the school sloot, or do you want to be a woman who can hold her head high and be proud of the choices she makes.

Love H

Also, please don't judge me for how terribly written this is! I'm a chemistry major, not a writer. :)