Friday, January 25, 2013

Would you marry you?

Disclaimer: this is a really sensitive subject for some people. This could get really sticky, but I'm writing it anyways. If I offend you, I'm truly sorry and I did not write this with that intention. I'm actually being really honest with you guys in this, so don't judge my past choices and who I was. Enjoy.

If you're like me, you have a list of qualities that you would want in your future husband. You probably want him to be Godly, faithful, loving, with the qualities to be a great father. You're constantly thinking about what HE has to offer YOU, but have you ever thought about what YOU have to offer him? I used to get so caught up in making sure that I was keeping my standards high that I wouldn't think about if I would meet the standards of a man whom I would want to marry.

Let's back track... If you didn't already know, I'm in college. I'll tell y'all the truth. My freshman and the first semester of my sophomore year, I was a little bit of a wild child. I thought that it was adorable to get super drunk and kiss random boys that I have never met. I had a "I don't care" mentality--especially after a big break up with my ex boyfriend of three years. I remember my Facebook picture once was of me "slapping the bag." Classy, I know. Wow... I'm so embarrassed.

Yes, I still go out. Yes, I do have a drink or two when I do go out.  But now will you ever see me sloppy drunk, unable to stand, passed out on the stairs? Absolutely not. Do I find it necessary to make out with guys when I am intoxicated now? No. That's just NOT cute. I've always been a firm believer in the saying "class attracts class." I wasn't making the best decisions before. But I want a man who will be able to handle himself in various situations--alcohol involved or not--and a man who is able to do that is probably not looking for a girl who is passed out in the backseat of her best friend's car. Everyone has a past. Everyone has made bad decisions that they might wish that they could take back. Lord, knows I do.

I was so caught up in having fun and living the single life that I wasn't thinking about the future. I thought that if I acted a certain way, guys would be attracted to me. Guess what? They were... but not in the good way. Don't get me wrong, I was never one to "go home" with a guy, but they would only want me in the moment. I wasn't "relationship" material... I just didn't know it. I thought I was doing what guys wanted... or at least the guys that I was attracted to at the time. (The party boy.) 

I've reached the point in my life where I want to marry the boy that I am dating. Now I've realized the importance of being a woman worth marrying--a future Proverbs 31 wife. If you want to marry a man who loves God, you have to be a woman so lost in God that he has to go through Him in order to get to you. (One of my favorite quotes) Read your bible more, go to church, pray. A man worth marrying will never go after a girl already in a relationship, you shouldn't go after a man who is already in one. Realistically, I'm probably not going to be my future husband's first. Honestly, he wouldn't be mine. But I don't want a man who has slept around with a ton of girls, so I don't sleep around. At all. I try to match everything that I would want in a future husband. 

After I realized that I wouldn't have married the girl that I was, I changed. I transformed myself into a classy, young lady who now has an amazing guy in her life. I couldn't be happier. I was never perfect, and I'm still far from, but I knew the way I was living was not marriage material... and no break up should have caused me to do that.

I could go on for hours and hours about this, but ultimately it comes down to a simple question. Would you marry you? Imagine your PERFECT man. Would you be a woman that he would want to marry? If you have high standards like I do, you probably want a man who has high standards also. Would you meet those?

Think about it. Think about where you are in life and ask yourself... Would you marry you? If you want your true gentleman, make sure you're being a classy lady. 

Love, M.

Note:  Please don't judge who I was. I am thoroughly embarrassed but figured that complete honesty was the way to go. I hope y'all liked it. Comment if you'd like or e-mail us. (Our e-mail address is in the "Contact Us" section of the blog) I'd love to hear what you have to say... unless it's something nasty then you can just keep those mean comments to yourself. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Letting go

In my previous blog, I talk about how you never get over someone that you truly love. I am such a firm believer in this. I honestly don't think that you can. At least for me, once someone is in my heart, they stay there forever. You simply learn to move on and live without them.

If I had to count, I'd say I had about three serious relationships in my entire life. Ranging from one to three years. If you asked me right now if I loved them, I'd probably tell you yes. Would I date them again? Absolutely not. Do I wish anything negative upon them? Most definitely not. They helped shape me into the young woman that I am today, and I adore them for that. From every guy that I've dated or "talked" to, I've learned something new about myself and what I want in a relationship. Letting go is never easy... not if you truly loved someone. How do you let go of someone?

In my book, step one would be knowing your worth.Go look up Psalm 139:14. When my last boyfriend broke up with me, I would think "I am more beautiful than Cinderella. I smell like pine needles and have a face like sunshine." (If you don't know that quote then I need you to stop reading and go watch Bridesmaids right now. I'm not kidding. Go.)  Instead of thinking, "I'm so sad that I lost him," think "it's totally his lost because I am the BOMB DOT COM." Be confident in yourself. Know that you're a good person with a kind heart. Know that you are beautiful, inside and out. Know that God made you perfect. You. Are. Perfect.

Were you cheated on? I've been there. Multiple times. If you dwell in thinking that you're worthless and constantly questioning what other girls have that you don't have, you'll never be happy.  Instead of thinking what THEY have, think about what YOU have. Know your worth, ladies. It's hard. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with but with lots of praying, I've reached a point where I understand what I have to offer someone and it's made my life ten times better.

Step Two: 
Be positive about the future. It's easy to focus on the boys that broke your heart, but like I tweet all the time, try focusing on how exciting it's going to be when God finally sends someone your way who will give you his all. If you continue to stay in a negative state of mind, you won't be able to open your heart and accept new love. Life is all about experiences, some negative others positive. Don't dwell on the things that hurt you. Look at it this way, if you didn't get hurt every once in a while would you be the strong person that you are today? Take it as a life lesson learned and move on. Definitely easier said than done but not impossible. Pray. When the weight of the world gets too heavy, get down on your knees and pray.

Times like this it is easy to question God. I know that whenever I would get broken up with, I would ask God why this was happening. That's just me being real. Back to the bible verse that I wrote about in the last blog post, Jeremiah 29:11. Whatever is happening is happening for a reason. You might no understand it, but you don't really have to. God's got it. He knows the endings and will lead you to it. Remember, every broken heart is putting you one step closer to the one that God has waiting for you.

Step Three: 
Stay busy. Stay open. After every break up, even when I've been the one to break up with boys, sometimes all I want to do is lay in my bed and cry. Luckily, I have been blessed with amazing friends and sorority sisters who will not let me do dwell for too long. They give me a few days to myself but then force me to not stay at my apartment by myself. If you haven't already, go follow @A_Southern_Lady on twitter. She was the best support system I could have asked for with my last break up with a boy named Nick. When she would either see tweets about me doing nothing or I would tell her I'm doing nothing, she would give me different things to go do. She would tell me to go shopping or to go out to eat or anything. After a while, I realized this is just what I HAVE to do. When Prince William and Kate Middleton broke up, she only gave herself a little while to dwell. She pretty quickly began going out and having fun. This was the best way to show him that she was fine without him. You know what happened after? He wanted her back and now they're going to have the prettiest baby ever. But maybe you'll do the same and he won't want you back. That's okay because the more you're out of your house, apartment, etc. the more opportunity you'll have to meet new boys. If a boy is interested in you, give him a chance. I'm not talking about a day or week after your break up... definitely give yourself time to dwell. But if a cute guy who seems genuinely nice asks for for your number then give it to him. If you don't find him interesting after a little bit then onto the next one.

Keep your mind, options, and heart open. Stay positive. And above all, pray and trust God. You're beautiful, wonderful, and perfect. It's only a matter of time before a guy comes along who realizes all of that and will cherish you for everything that you are. 

Love, M.
Thanks for reading this! Once again, this is JUST for me. It's not everything I do to let go of a guy just the three main things that I do. Feel free to leave a comment about one of your steps. I'd love to hear it! 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Chase

So.. I remember tweeting something along the lines of "#CallMeOldFashioned because I believe in a boy courting a girl" and being snapped at by some boy. I couldn't help but go to his profile to see if he was in relationship. After about 10 minutes of stalking, I realized that he was single. I honestly couldn't help but think "that's probably why." Courtship is so important in my book. A boy has to earn my love.

I am a firm believer that a boy needs to try really hard to win me so that he'll appreciate me when he gets me. My heart is a fragile thing. It's been broken, beaten, and battered. It needs to be handled with care, and if you think I'm going to give it to anyone to mess with... you're thinking again. Before I let him in, I need to make sure that he's here to stay and will take care of it. He needs to prove to me that he deserves it. Now don't get me wrong, I've never been one for games. If I'm into you, you'll know, but there are little things that I need to do in order to protect myself. 

When talking to my little (little sorority sister), I always tell her "Prince Charming chased Cinderella, not the other way around." Girls do not need to be the one who is doing the chasing. How do I  make boys chase me? It can be as simple as letting him text ME first. It may not be that I don't want to talk to him, I very well could and probably do, but he doesn't necessarily need to know this right off the bat. When I am texting him AFTER he's texted me, I throw in a few winky's or sly comments to let him know that I'm interested. I'm so glad that I have an iPhone because it just seems so much easier to flirt with emoji's. Texting is annoying in general, but it's how we work in the 21st century. If he doesn't text me, well he's just not interested. Yeah, it sucks but that's just the truth. A guy who is interested will put in the effort. After I've let him text me first for a couple of days, I text him first. I want to put myself out there and show him that I do think about him sometimes and that I actually do want to talk to him.  it's right back to letting him text me first. 

Now onto dates. I cannot exaggerate enough how much I dislike the term "hanging out" when it comes to love or romance. Hanging out is NOT a date, it's two people casually spending time with each other. A first date should be out at a neutral place, more than likely a restaurant, and HE should be the one to initiate it. A guy needs to ask me to dinner or whatever. I mean I'm super old fashioned so little efforts like picking me up goes a long way because most guys don't do that anymore. I honestly don't mind meeting a guy somewhere for dinner but as awful as it sounds I do expect him to pay. If I'm paying for my part of the meal, I'm not on a date. That's just how it is for me. If it works out, I don't mind taking my guy on dates as a nice gesture. But at first, at least in my book, he should be the one paying. 

The chase shows me who truly is interested in me. There are times where I have given my number to boys and they talk to me for a couple of days then stop all of a sudden. Well, that's their loss because I'm a catch. I plan on marrying a man who will strive each day to show me that he cares about me and who will put in the effort every single day. He's going to have to prove to me that he'll be able to do that during our marriage while we're dating. I mean, I'll be doing the same thing. Once I find the guy that I'm supposed to marry, I'll be spending every single day proving to him that I'm the girl that God has been preparing for him. 

ANYWAYS... Ultimately, I think that the chase is the first show of if a guy is truly interested and will put in the effort to win you over. If he wants it, he'll work for it. Once he's worked for it, he should work to keep it. It's a never ending thing. 

Love, M.

AGAIN... I am not trying to step on anyone's toes. I'm not trying to tell you this is how you should run your love life. If you think otherwise, I respect that. This is just my views, and it's worked for me so far. I'm sure yours has worked for you! 

Monday, January 14, 2013

Never Ending Faith

It seems as though all around me there are failed relationships. It's sad that statements such as "oh, he cheated?" has become normal in our time. Everything that you could imagine has happened to myself or those close to me. After all of these things happening in all of my years, you would think that I have lost faith. Well I haven't. I have continued to pray for a man who will be the spiritual leader in our marriage, love me unconditionally, and eventually be an amazing father to my children. As silly as it may sound, if I could be compared to anyone in the world it would definitely be Charlotte from Sex and the City. Even after all of her disappointments and heartbreaks, she continued to believe in love. She never gave up hope that there was a soul mate for every single person on the planet and that everyone deserved love. 

Now don't get me wrong, there were times where I was a skeptic of the whole love thing. There were days where I felt so deserving of love but just wasn't on the receiving end of it. There were even days where I would be so angry at God when I would see my friends in relationships and thought that it was just so unfair that I was alone but ultimately I would somehow be reminded that good things come to those who wait. Yes, being alone is hard. Yes, sometimes you see girls in relationships and wonder "why her? why not me?" but ultimately that's just an extremely harmful mindset to stay in. Everything you go through, you go through for a reason. I could go through lists and lists of bible verses and quotes (mostly found on Pinterest... Yes, guilty. Judge me!) but the one that always sticks with me is Jeremiah 29:11:

"For those I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

God knows what He's doing. He does. I promise. Maybe your prince hasn't come yet, but he will.

Maybe you've recently had your heartbroken. Well I've been there, done that, gotten the t-shirt, and ran the gift shop. Letting go of a guy that you genuinely loved is extremely hard. You'll probably cry, yell, scream, etc. but eventually it will get easier and easier to deal with. Just remember that each heart break is putting you one step closer to the man that God has waiting for you. Eventually, you'll have to let him go so that you can accept the love of the man that God will send someone to mend your broken heart. 

Notice I said let go and not get over. You never truly get over anyone that you've honestly loved and that's perfectly okay. You're going to have many loves in your life, but you're eventually going to find someone that you jut can't live without because you just love and adore him so much. One day God will send someone your way and you'll finally understand exactly why it didn't work out with all of those other guys.

At the end of the day, I believe in love because I believe in God. The bible itself states that God is love (1 John 4:8). I trust that He had a greater man for me. I trust that he would eventually send someone to join me on my path to His Kingdom. I may not always understand it, but I know that His results will always be better than any result to any plan that I could possibly come up with. And from first hand experience, it's worth the wait.

Love, M. 

Now, I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes and tell them how to run their lives or anything of that nature. I'm talking about MY personal views, so if you have anything nasty to say... Please just save it. We can agree to disagree, and I will respect your opinion and views.