The battle before the victory.

Before y'all read this, just know that this isn't a typical blog post. It's kind of an update.




Well y'all, I ended things with my guy tonight. After a lot of thinking, contemplating, and praying, I've decided that I desire more. Y'all are probably wondering why or what happened. Honestly, nothing really happened... but that was kind of the problem.  I can't keep being put on the back burner. I can't keep putting up with making him a priority and not being one of his. I deserve more than that, and I have no doubt in my mind that I do. It hurts that it had to come to this, but it did. It'd be different if it was like H's long distance relationship where they get to see each other occasionally. But if I'm going months when he's just an hour and a half away? No. I am actually extremely understanding about being him being busy but it'd be nice if he would make me feel important. I hold a high leadership position within my sorority while also balancing demanding classes but I still make time for him. I know my worth. I know what I deserve... and it was more than he had to offer me right now.

But I'm not letting this bring me down. I know that God has an amazing guy out there for me. I will continue to pray for him and pray that he's doing the same for me. I will continue to search for him and pray that he's searching for me. I will continue to prepare myself to be a Proverbs 31 wife. Y'all, I know that I will one day make such an amazing wife and mother because my Momma and the Bible taught me how. I will not let this make me cynical when it comes to love.

Right now, I need to learn how to stand on my own. After getting out of my last relationship, I kind of rushed into whatever this was. I need to focus on me, my faith, and my life. I have always been the kind of girl who has said that she has never needed a man to make her happy. But honestly, I haven't been practicing what I've been preaching. I want a guy to contribute to my happiness not determine it. Maybe as I'm working on myself, I'll meet a new guy... but until then I'll just keep praying for the one that God has waiting for me. And who knows? Maybe this kid will realize that I do deserve more and that he wants to give me that. Maybe he'll fight for me. Maybe one day we'll end up together. Maybe it's just not our time right now but I know that God has a plan for both of us. This is just another battle before the victory.

Anyways, I'll keep y'all posted. I hope everyone has an amazing week.


-M.